Looking Back

St. Maartin, Orient Beach, Jan. 23, 2028:
Jessica: I can’t believe it’s like, been like 20 years, can you?
Tony: Time sure flies.
Jessica: You remember, like, when we, like, first met, and you were, like, playing football, and they like totally blamed me for you losing that game.
Tony: You know I don’t like talking about those [...]

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Dear Eli

Dear Eli,
Hi! My name is Jessica! lol! You may have heard of me, or know who I am, as I am sometimes in the internets that any U.S. American can see or read regarding my so-called social life and the boys I have sometimes gone on (totally innocent! lol!!) dates with like John Mayer and [...]

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There, There, Terrell.

Twice now, Terrell Owens has cried on TV. There, there, Terrell. I fell your pain, little fella. I feel your pain.
One time, a long time ago, when I was a bartender, the boss told us to “Just get away from bartending for a couple of days.” Well, my best friend went to Destin with his [...]

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Yoko Romo

Now that’s just not fair.
Here’s Yoko Ono:

and here’s Jessica Simpson:

While I’ll admit Yolo’s rocking the Pilates legs at age 74, I don’t think that there’s an able-bodied male in our entire readership (both of you) who wouldn’t have made exactly the same choice as that young horn dog, Tony Romo.
I personally would do whatever it [...]

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And Now: The Rest of the Story

Much has been made about Tony Romo and Jessica Simpson’s trip to Mexico last week. The mainstream media is missing the real story here. We interviewed Jessica about what happened.
Making it Rain: How was Mexico
Jessica Simpson: It was, like, totally awesome!
MIR: Did Tony do any football work?
JS: He fucked me alot!
MIR: What about film study [...]

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