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Archive for the ‘Michigan sucks’ Category

Michigan-38 Notre Dame-0

Thirty-eight to nuttin’. Five td’s and a field goal to zoo.

From a historical perspective, that’d be XXXVIII to mayazero.gif. For you uneducated Philistines out there, that’s the Mayan symbol for zero, a concept they invented. But before we get all excited about how brilliant the Mayan society was and start jacking off Mel Gibson, let’s keep in mind the fact that they couldn’t invent the wheel, even after they had fucking seen it.

“Oh wise Jaguar’s Testicle, why do the evil Spaniards keep catching up with us as we retreat across the Yucatan through the jungle?”

“I don’t know, Feathered Snake, but hurry up and keep dragging our shit on sticks.”

But back to the Serial Papists of South Bend. They haven’t scored an offensive touchdown yet this year. They managed a paltry 86 yards of total offense against the Rabid Rats of Miss Again. They have at least seven or eight more potential losses on their schedule. Apparently any talent that Tyrone Willingham had left in the cupboard has already “graduated” or at least begun working in a tire factory in Gary, Indiana. Charlie Weiss has recruited the number one quarterback prospect in the country who, despite the fact that he looks like a crack-addicted emu, is supposed to be “The Kid with the Golden Arm.” Having listened to countless UT Vol fans defend his underachieving lameass older brothers, I can promise you that he will be as disappointing as Kenny Chesney’s senior prom experience.

So as far as I can tell, there are only two things to do now:

  1. Go ahead and let Notre Dame pick which BCS bowl they want to go to with their exemption before anybody else gets a chance to take their spot.
  2. Extend Charlie Weiss’s contract for another five years.

Whaddya expect when your head coach looks like something out of a Don Martin cartoon?

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[Charlie Weiss and QB coach Ron Powlus set off in search of their next starting signal caller.]

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B-list country singer Chely Wright and B-list TV chef Giada deLaurentiis

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Masters’ Champion Zach Johnson and Super Bowl Champion Peyton Manning

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Notre Dame QB Jimmy Clausen and Michigan Coach Lloyd Carr

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For Sale

Cheap. 10,000 T-shirts. $20 OBO. Will deliver.

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