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Archive for the ‘MNF’ Category

Ocho Stinko

The national sports talking heads all have one thing in common. They all “really like” Chad Johnson. Whether it is Jim Rome or Michael Smith or Kornheiser, they all “really like” him. And each person says it almost apologetically, as though they’re they only one who really gets it. They don’t want to promote stupid end zone celebrations, but Chad’s are OK somehow. “All that other celebration stuff that would make George Halas roll over in his grave is bad for football. It is narcissistic, egomaniacal showboating. But Chad is DIFFERENT. He doesn’t have any malice. He does it in good fun. I ‘really like’ Chad Johnson.”

Well I’d really like everyone to shut up about Chad Johnson and his touchdown dances. The ESPN Idiots followed him over to the sideline to put on his stupid jacket last night, meanwhile, because of an injury to the kicker, the team had to go for two and didn’t make it, a fairly important bit of news early in a football game, I’d say.

Even in the highlights at halftime those ESPiNheads showed Johnson’s “much anticipated touchdown celebration”. Then Kornheiser went and got the jacket and put it on in the booth. I don’t remember anyone bringing Joe Horn’s cell phone up to the booth.

And if you need proof that it is ego-driven, they had him mic’ed up, and showed him on the sideline saying, to anyone who would listen, “Did you see that with the jacket? That was pretty good, wasn’t it?”

Guys, he put on a fucking coat he dug out of a trash bag.

Chad Johnson — don’t follow him anymore. He’ll eventually go away.

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Dolphins/Chiefs

It’s pre-season, so it’s hard to pay much attention to the games. Here’s what I saw last night.

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Brody Croyle has a long way to go. I hadn’t seen him play since Alabama, where he was going to be the next Namath/Stabler/Jesus if he just quit getting hurt all the time. The first thing I saw last night was that he got the ball, looked directly at the receiver he was going to throw it to, and threw. Of course, he came out 5/6 with a TD, and the only miss was a drop, but after that, uh . . .not so good. That off-the-back-foot flop-shot interception was hideous. Doesn’t matter though. They say there’s a QB competition, but I don’t think so. Damon Huard is a professional clipboard caddy, and very comfortable as such. Croyle gets the nod.

Ted Ginn is going to get booed. A lot. Until game 9 when he finally breaks a punt for a TD.

Trent Green is going to be better than Fin Fans expect, but he’s 37, with 872 concussions already. Look for Miss Cleo to take over around mid season.

There was a friendly interview with Mutt and Jeff, Jason Taylor and Zach Thomas. They looked quite chummy. Didn’t which ever one that is married to the other one’s mother fuck his sister instead leading to a messy divorce? Looks like they’re over it now.

It looks like Kornheiser may come out of his shell this year. He is assuming his role as a football historian. How do we know he’s a historian? Jaworski told us about 75 fucking times.

Who won? Who cares.

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MNF Team

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The grand old flagship of the NFL, Monday Night Football has been blindly trying to find its way back to the level it had back in the day. Frank Gifford, Dandy Don Meredith and Howard Cosell set the standard, which worked for years and made MNF an American institution. The straight man announcer (Gifford was a former player, but he was the straight man), the nutty former player and the obnoxious New York Jew. Watching the previous day’s highlights with Cosell’s commentary was a highlight of the week for me growing up.

Cosell left. O.J. Simpson came on long before he realized his dream of becoming a butcher. Fran Tarkenton tried before he took the gig slamming Cathy Lee Crosby backstage during taping of “That’s Incredible.” Dan Deirdorf spent a few years on MNF, sweating until the next commercial break so he could whip out his Marlboros and bitch about how much the game sucked to anyone who would listen. Dennis Miller flexed his cerebral muscles like Stephen Hawking smoking crack from a pipe held up to his trach tube by Pia Zodora while Carl Sagan ass-mastered him over the back of his personal hovercraft, babe. And on and on.

So now they’re back to the straight man the nutty ex-player and the obnoxious New York Jew. Straight man Mike Tirico,  is whiter than Pat Boone with the same out-of-place delivery Boone thrilled fans with on his headbanger tribute album, “In a Metal Mood.” Last year, Joe Theisman, the man who was arrogant enough at Notre Dame to change the pronunciation of his name from “Theesman” to “Thigh’s Man” to help his Heisman chances,  beat Tony Kornheiser down to a shell of himself. ESPN thought they hired the crazy, loud obnoxious Kornheiser from “Pardon the Interuption,” but what they got was Theisman’s lap dog bitch.  They thought they hired the next Cosell, but they got Joe Fucking Leiberman instead. I tried to see what Ron Jaworski would bring to the table last night, but I couldn’t get past the 3-hour interview with Jerry Rice, so I went to bed.

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