Archive for the ‘usc’ Category

They both got into USC

I think we’ve made it abundantly clear how we feel about USC here at Making It Rain.

But especially after they were knocked off of their ivory dildo pedestal in the largest point spread upset in the history of Division 1 football by the Mighty Mensans of Leland Stanford Junior University, I thought perhaps a graphic reminder was in order:

Hey Trojan Dickheads!


What’s that? You still don’t get it?


Well, at least their disconsolate players were able to seek solace in each other’s arms.


I mean, really, was anybody surprised?


Heh, heh. They’re called the Trojans. Like the condom. That’s funny.


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It seems USC is the consensus #1 pick in just about every preseason football poll.  Well, every poll except the Knoxville Fulmer Sentinel, which will continue to pick UT number one until long after every conceivable permutation of  league championship games and potential plane crashes have eliminated any possibility of  the Little Orange even finishing 2nd in the SEC East.

But is anybody even really rooting for the Trojans?  The University of Spoiled Children doesn’t really project the image of needing outside support.  Shit, they’ve already chased off two tailbacks, leaving the cupboard almost bare with only eight Parade All-Americans remaining.

The Wizards of Watts are talented and deep at just about every skill position, to the point where Mitch Cumstain, er, Mustain probably won’t ever see field in SoCal unless he learns how to hold for kicks.  And matinee idol Pete Carroll could give a shit what Mitch’s mom says.  Fayetteville, Arkansas will start to look a lot better once the Mustains realize that the University of Second Choice doesn’t have what you would call the most supportive system for their non-performing athletes.  Kinda like the support system Michael Vick had for his non-performing dogz.

Even Mississippi State has dedicated fans, fer Chrissake, and they haven’t done anything to deserve support in decades. It’s not like a visit to StarkVegas is worth a road trip unless you have a particular liking for cowbells and rickets.  Yet hordes of SEC fans do it five times a year.

Rooting for the Universite of Sodomite Corksuckers is like pulling for WalMart.  Or the Yankees. They don’t need your support.  They’ll do fine without you.  And they’ll trample all over your grandmother to succeed if given have a chance.  At least if you have a diploma from USC, you can leave it on your dashboard and park in handicapped spaces.

So fuggem.


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Back when I was a sports writer and editor, about ten years ago, we got a press release from USC requesting that they be referred to from that day forward as “Southern Cal” and only as “Southern Cal.” I guess four people from the low country confused them with the other USC, South Carolina. We did as requested, I’m sure other media outlets did too, for about a season, then it was back to USC. It was a ridiculous request. Why, after decades of being USC would they want to force a name change? It would be like Tiger Woods suddenly demanding to be called Eldrick.

So just as they’ll always be USC, so shall they also be preseason #1 this year, and so shall all fans from places that aren’t close to Hollywood bitch about their schedule. And rightfully so. They can’t help the fact that they aren’t in the SEC. Their non-conference opponents are Idaho, Nebraska and Notre Dame. Idaho is just a patsy, Nebraska is ranked #20 preseason, and Notre Dame is a traditional, if a bit manufactured, rivalry. So that’s not too bad, unlike a team like Tennessee who schedules Arkansas State and Louisiana Lafayette.

However, there are only two other ranked teams on USC’s schedule, Cal and UCLA. why is that? Because the Pac Ten just flat out sucks. Look for the Trojans to go undefeated (yawn), stay number one all year and get “shocked” in the National Championship game by LSU or Florida or Georgia, a team that has to play at a high level all year.


Look, mom, we’re all white again!

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